Who can claim to have never been sad? Nobody and fortunately, because sadness is part of the primary emotions and it would be depriving ourselves of very useful messengers. Certainly when we feel a deep sense of sadness, it is not very pleasant and we have only one desire, to evacuate and release it. So if you are looking for a method to stop being sad, a tool to transform your sadness into joy, discover the 5 steps to stop being sad.
Sadness definition
Sadness is one of the 6 fundamental emotions, just like fear, anger, joy, surprise or disgust. It is generally transient and associated with an event (to be dissociated from deep sadness):
- decease.
- separation.
- a project that falls through.
- upheaval in one’s life (moving, child leaving home, dismissal).
- hormonal change at the birth of a child.
How does sadness manifest itself ?
Very often sadness manifests itself by crying (or the desire to cry) but it also takes other forms :
- a sensation (emptiness, submersion, fog): being sad without knowing why, feeling unexplained sadness or without reason.
- a feeling (weariness, disappointment, despair, loneliness, abandonment).
- a lack (motivation, vitality, appetite, self-confidence, self-esteem).
- a feeling (that one’s life has no meaning, that one is not loved).
Even if some feelings and sensations can be unpleasant, sadness is not negative. It is a shame that culturally it is often considered as such. This is evidenced by these little phrases that you have probably said or heard: “There are more unhappy people than you”; “It doesn’t matter, stop crying”.
Even if they are said with the excellent intention of comforting, they can prevent the sadness from expressing itself in a healthy way and be repressed. You will understand later the impact this can have. It is perfectly normal to be sad because it is also useful to us. The key is to understand this emotion and to place your cursor in the right place.
Usefulness of sadness
Being sad can be very useful. It seems paradoxical at first sight and at the same time, when you think about it more closely, sadness has many advantages because it is a source of self-knowledge.
Sadness informs us about our needs:
You have moved away from the people you love, sadness informs you that you miss them. You may then contact them, try to recreate social links around you. And then, you are sad while you tell yourself that you have everything to be happy. Perhaps you need to unload a burden from the past or to give more meaning to your life?
Sadness allows us to turn a page:
Generally we do not appreciate being sad, so we will draw in us resources to pass this difficult course, to motivate us. The sadness then impels a new energy to stimulate us to overcome tests. This is the case in particular in the process of mourning, following a break-up, the loss of a job, etc.
Not to repeat the same mistakes:
You are disappointed to have had a bad reaction to your child’s attitude, the sadness you feel will tell you to modify your behavior if it happens again. You didn’t dare to engage in conversation with someone you liked, the sadness you feel may give you wings the next time.
To develop empathy, compassion and kindness towards others:
When we ourselves have gone through an ordeal, we are better able to understand the suffering of others. Thus, we will be able to help a sad person in a better way, to accompany him, to comfort him. In the same way, if we are sad and we let our sadness be expressed freely, then it informs those around us that we need help and support.
To make yourself feel good:
It turns out that sadness activates the parasympathetic branch of the brain. This is the area of the autonomic nervous system that manages the decrease in respiratory and cardiac rhythms, the optimal functioning of organs (digestive, sexual) and muscle relaxation. Crying “serenely” therefore contributes to our well-being. This is why we can choose to listen to sad music when we know that it will make us cry.
Sadness favors creation:
It is no longer proven, many great artistic works were born under the influence of spleen (melancholy). The sadness makes us go to seek in our deepest intimate. Through art we externalize it by materializing it through music, words, drawing, sculpture. We speak today of art therapy.
To go towards a better version of oneself:
When sadness is painful, we don’t want it to last or come back. So we try to identify its causes, what we do not want anymore. It can therefore lead us to question ourselves. And motivate us to act to improve ourselves.
Albert Willemetz “Don’t try to drown your sorrows: they can swim”.
As you can see, being sad is useful. The trick is to know where to place the cursor. Because sadness can also harm us.
What are the risks of being sad?
If the sadness has been repressed, if it does not decrease in intensity quickly, if it lasts a long time, it can present the following risks
- To push us to a consumption of drugs or alcohol.
- Lock us up in solitude.
- Generate procrastination, inactivity.
- To make lose the sleep, the appetite.
- To install a depression.
It is strongly advised to be vigilant not to let this deep sadness settle for a long time and to get help from a professional (doctor, psychologist, sophrologist, life coach). Being sad is not inevitable.
The 5 steps to stop being sad or How to transform your sadness into joy ?
In the case of a “normal” sadness, the main thing is to let it go through us, it will pass quickly. On the other hand, if you feel a deep, unexplained, extreme sadness, without any obvious reason, then here is a method to stop being sad in 5 steps. Stop the sadness and welcome the joy!
1/ Welcome your sadness:
Don’t resist because the next times it may manifest itself with more violence. Take the time to examine your feelings by asking yourself these questions: Do I allow myself to cry? In my body, what do I feel? Where do I feel it? At what intensity? In my thoughts, what am I telling myself?
2/ Identify the origin of your sadness:
If its origin is known, go directly to step 3. If not, ask yourself these questions: Is there something that is bothering me? What is bothering me? Is there something or someone that disappoints me? Do I feel shame? If so, which one? Do I feel guilt? If so, what for? Towards whom? What is my unmet need? (e.g.: I do not feel sufficiently loved, surrounded, recognized, fulfilled, useful…)
It may be that it remains vague, a mixture of various things. If you can’t understand the reason for your sadness, then it may be interesting to get help from a life coach and stop being sad without knowing why.
3/ Evaluate your sadness:
Is the intensity of what I am feeling congruent with the origin of the sadness? How long do I give myself before I consider this sadness to be abnormal?
4/ Be kind to yourself to stop being sad:
Disregard the judgment of those who consider that showing sadness is a sign of weakness, even if it is someone close to you, Compatiate with your own pain as if it were that of your best friend, Dare to talk about your sadness without shame or guilt.
5/ Taking action to avoid being sad
Beyond this step and if the sadness does not have an identified origin or if it has settled, here are some other solutions:
- Don’t be ashamed to let sadness express itself through art (writing, singing, composing music, sculpting).
- Take the time to relax and unwind.
- Develop social ties and spend time with the people we love.
- To marvel at nature, to go and meet it (walk in the woods, in the forest, by the sea).
- To be accompanied by a professional (psychologist, sophrologist, life coach).
To remember
- Temporary sadness is a completely healthy and normal emotion.
- To be distinguished from deep, unexplained or extreme sadness, which lasts for no known reason.
- Sadness manifests itself in different ways.
- Being sad can be very useful.
- It is possible to stop being sad thanks to the coach method.
- If your sadness is beyond you, it is better to get help to treat it and overcome it.