How to get over your ex? Personally, it took me two years to finally manage to move on and free myself from those incessant thoughts about her.
Two years that I could have reduced in only two weeks if I had been lucky enough to come across the right techniques instead of going blindly forward thinking that time and sports would really change something.
Today, I’m going to tell you everything I wish I had known and all the information that would have allowed me to heal in no time.
Contents:
1. The external action plan
2. The internal action plan
3. The Internal Action Plan (advanced version)
Exercise:
How long does it take to get over your ex?
What to do now?
Forgetting your ex is not a goal, but the result of a goal.
It doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman: the real goal is to get over your ex, and this goal is divided into two parts.
The first part is essential for everyone, you have to put it into practice no matter how long it takes you to get over the breakup.
The second part is not compulsory and depends on one thing: the fact that you still can’t move on despite the years and/or despite the fact that you have followed the first part to the letter.
Let’s see these two parts in detail.
Part One – “The Starter Kit”
This is the essential first part, which very often helps you get over your ex quickly.
At this point, I assume that you’re already past the normal urge to want to win back your ex even though I know you’re still having doubts about this choice and are afraid of making a mistake.
I reassure you right away: your choice is not a mistake, it takes a lot of COURAGE to let go of the desire to win back your ex.
It’s already a huge step in your recovery, and that’s what brings me to this: you have to want to get over your ex.
If you don’t want to get over your ex, you’ll always find a valid reason not to move on.
If this is your case, I invite you to join my private contacts by filling out the quiz in this article, you will receive an email every morning filled with good advice and tips to help you move on.
1. The external action plan
What I call the external action plan is all the actions you need to do that have nothing to do with what is currently going on in your head.
Here are the three things you’ll need to do:
- Go radio silent 2.0
- Reduce your social networks
- Strengthen your friends and family connections
Going radio silent 2.0
The interest of a radio silence 2.0 is first to cut the indirect influence that your ex has on you and second to cut the direct influence that your ex has on you.
Look at the objects in your daily life, look at your environment: is there anything that reminds you of your ex? Yes ? Then remove that object from your field of vision during your radio silence.
You don’t have to throw it away, just hide it somewhere you know you won’t go for the duration of your radio silence if you can’t get rid of it.
Only then can we move on to directly influencing your ex.
For this step, you need to send a message to your ex if you are not sure that your ex will leave you alone and/or if you think you will break down during your radio silence.
This message will explain to your ex that you do not want to be disturbed for the duration of your radio silence in order to heal.
If you feel unable to send a message and your ex is going to bother you during this time then block your ex, really.
Doing it in this order will push you to dare to take the plunge and send your ex the message that marks the beginning of your healing, because I know only too well that embarking on radio silence is very difficult.
Cutting ties with your ex to get over him/her is one of the best methods to accelerate your healing at a crazy speed, but only if this method is well done and does not hide behind an attempt to win back your ex.
Reduce your social networks
Social networks have a bad influence on your mood.
Do you really enjoy scrolling through your Facebook wall or seeing what your friends are doing on Snapchat, or do you not feel negative emotions deep down, like envy or jealousy for example?
This is why it is imperative that you reduce your access to your social networks throughout your recovery period to avoid suffering even more.
Strengthen your friends and family connections
If you spent several years of your life with your ex, you must surely be feeling a huge sense of emptiness right now because of his absence.
This feeling of emptiness is related to what I call your love ecosystem.
The love ecosystem is our tendency to replace all our friendships and family relationships with our ex.
Little by little, your ex becomes the only person you contact to do activities you used to do with other people.
2. The internal action plan
The internal action plan will focus on how you think about your ex, how to stop it and how to put the situation in perspective in the best way possible.
Here are the two things you’ll need to do:
- Understand what withdrawal really is
- Learn to stop thinking about your ex
- Rethink the way you think about your breakup
That’s why today more than ever, you need to strengthen your friendships and family connections by sharing your life again with those around you to gradually replace this love ecosystem with a healthy one for you.
Understanding what withdrawal really is
The withdrawal you are feeling right now is normal and even biological.
However, it can make you want to get your ex back on a whim or even prevent you from moving forward in your healing process without you even realizing it.
Learning to stop thinking about your ex
The most common mistake that we read on the internet or hear from people close to us is this advice: do as much as you can to stop thinking about your ex and force yourself to stop thinking about them.
The problem with this is that it will reinforce your desire to think about your ex: it’s psychological, the more you force yourself not to think about something, the more that thought will stick to you.
On the contrary, you have to accept the fact of thinking about your ex and not reject this thought, even if it makes you suffer: it is temporary.
Rethinking the way you think about your breakup
Yes, it looks a lot like the movie Inception when you look at it that way, but you’ll see, it’s actually quite simple.
The idea here is to put the pain you are experiencing into perspective: you need to put it into the context of your current life.
Sure, you’re suffering a lot and I would never question that, but take a moment for yourself and take a deep breath: look around you, your friends, your family, the fact that you’re living pretty well.
Taking a step back from this suffering is one of the best ways to detach yourself from it.
Part 2 – Your hidden pain points
By following the first part to the letter, you should normally be able to turn the page and get over this breakup in only a few weeks.
If this is not the case, it means that you have a problem related to your hidden pain points and this is what we will see from now on thanks to the advanced internal action plan.
3. The Internal Action Plan (advanced version)
The hidden pain points are all the things that are holding you back from moving on with your life: all the attachments that prevent you from letting go of your ex.
This is a VERY vast area and I will only go over it in this guide so as not to lose you in explanations that may not correspond to your particular case.
The hidden pain points are different for each person, you may feel a particular pain that another person will not feel during their breakup.
A hidden pain point is an invisible link that prevents you from detaching from your ex.
These hidden pain points do not come from my imagination: they are what science calls our lovemap, our attachment type, our limiting beliefs, etc.
A lovemap, for example, is literally a love map that serves as a guide for choosing your partner.
This map has been created according to your past experiences, it can certainly come from your childhood, but it also comes from your last relationship for example: and the best part is that this map can be modified.
This is the reason why you had the impression that your first girlfriend or boyfriend was your soulmate and not anymore : your lovemap has changed in the meantime, your definition of soulmate too.
(And this is also the reason why you think that your current ex is REALLY your soulmate this time).
This lovemap is one of the elements that define your hidden pain points, but there are others.
The different points of hidden suffering (not exhaustive)
1. your lovemap
2. your loss of identity
3. your limiting beliefs
4. the external pressure you are under (society, family, friends)
5. your attachment type
6. your ego after a breakup
7. your self-esteem
Here is a simple exercise that will allow you to get your hands on one of your hidden pain points.
Exercise
Take a piece of paper and a pencil then answer this question:
Let’s take a recurring pain point here:
“What did my ex bring me that I don’t have anymore?”
“Thanks to my ex I felt more confident and less alone, my ex was everything to me.”
These are very simple examples, but very common.
In this answer, you can already notice that the person concerned lacks confidence and is afraid of loneliness.
As soon as this person starts to work on his self-confidence and his fear of loneliness, he will manage to forget his ex for good.
All the mystery of the love she had for her ex will disappear without her being able to understand why.
By doing this, her next relationship will be much healthier in the sense that she will have the certainty that her love will not evaporate overnight the day she gains confidence without the help of her partner and if there is a breakup, she will suffer MUCH less than she does now.
As for the loneliness aspect, it is precisely evocative of the love ecosystem (I talk about it a bit above.)
How long does it take to get over your ex?
The time it takes to get over your ex depends on two things.
The first thing is the length of your relationship, because yes, the “pull” of a long relationship is much longer to stop than a short relationship (i.e. less than 3 years).
What I mean by this is that no matter what actions you take, you will always feel a certain lag time of several weeks between the actions you took and the positive results in your daily life.
Secondly, the time to get over your ex depends on whether you really want to get over him or not.
It sounds ridiculous, but the simple fact of not being sure if you should get over him or not will literally block any attempt on your part to heal.
Once you feel like getting over your ex and start taking the necessary actions, you will see significant results in a very short time.
I WANT to get over my ex is a sentence that should not be weakened in any way: you MUST be convinced.
What to do now?
Overcoming a breakup and getting over your ex is not an easy task and is still too often misinterpreted: it is not uncommon not to be taken seriously when a breakup falls on us.
That’s why you should also take into account not to ask too much of your entourage during your breakup and not to blame them if they end up not taking you seriously anymore.
From now on, you have all the cards in your hand to really get out of it and finally move on with your life.